Monday, December 14, 2009
I have a friend who has been married for almost ten years (she was barely 20 when she got married). We are very close but one aspect of her life that she will not confide in me about is her marriage. She acts like it is perfect and that she is very happy, but I notice that her husband seems controlling. Although he is loving and affectionate, he insists she stays at home to raise their kids even though she really wants a career. How do I tell my very private friend that I am concerned about her marriage?
Dear "Concerned Friend,"
I hear you. It frustrates me more then anything when people feel the need to project perfection, when we all know that no one's life is always ideal. Wouldn't life be easier if we all gave up on trying to live a picket fence life and accepted that challenge in marriage is as inevitable as snow in Alaska? Having said that, your friend must come to you to share about her relationship, you should not pressure her. Take her out for coffee and subtly ask how married life is treating her, and maybe share something personal about your own love life to even the playing field. If she wont open up at all, remind her you are her friend and always there for her. That's the best you can do.