Monday, October 5, 2009

Dear Danielle,

I am getting married in 6 weeks. I have decided that I don't want to take my husband's last name legally. I am happy to be referred to by his last name in social and informal contexts, but in terms of my career - I always want to have my maiden name. I don't believe that one's last name has anything to do with the love one feels for their mate, but my husband is really pressuring me to change my name. Am I being selfish because I love my name so much? How can I make him understand that I want to build a life with him in every way aside from becoming his Mrs?

"Name is non-negotiable"

Dear "Name is non-negotiable,"

If this is the main point of contention between your future husband and yourself 6 weeks before your wedding - then you are actually in a better place then you think relationship wise as engagements can often get even more stressful then this. It seems like you are both really committed to your marriage and truly want to merge your lives with each other, and in retrospect you will both realize one's last name isn't a big issue in the scheme of life. Why not consider hyphenating your name if it means so much to him? If that doesn't work for you (or him) then I suggest you put off this debate until once you get married. In every marriage there are issues which couples have to "agree to disagree" about.

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