Thursday, October 1, 2009

Perfect on Paper

Dear Danielle,

I have been dating a guy for 2 months who is perfect on paper. He runs a successful restaurant business, is attractive, chivalrous and extremely giving and affectionate. To top it all off he comes from an insanely wealthy family and I would be set for life if I married him. He just told me he wants to take me away on a weekend vacation to Colorado. My hesitation is, there is no "va-va-voom." I don't feel insanely attracted to him and there isn't much sexual chemistry. I am trying to be patient and give it a shot, and he is doing everything right, but something is still not sitting right with me. What should I do?


"Dating and Confused"

Dear "Dating and Confused,"

He sounds like a fabulous guy. Stop over thinking things and let the romantic chemistry and sexual spark naturally develop. If 6 months go by and there is still no spark, re-evaluate things. But, maybe you are putting up an internal block to fully falling for him? No guy you meet will be perfect, and although chemistry is crucial to a lasting relationship, relationship dynamics can evolve over time. Be patient and not as judgemental. When your mind starts over analysing every interaction with him, remember - only through living life will the correct path for us be brought into clarity.

1 comment:

  1. 6 Months, Really? That is a long time to wait in a relationship that has no chemistry.

    Have you taken in to account issues ranging from MHC [Major Histocompatibility Complex]incompatibility to the affects of being on birth control, which has been proven to affect the characteristics of the men women are attracted to. People may be putting up blocks but as much work as you do to open up people spiritually and emotionally there are very strong genetic characteristics that will prevent attraction and chemistry from building.

    As nice as it is to date someone with a massive fortune, attraction is not a choice. It is a group of genetic and social triggers. For attraction to occur he would have to change his behavior. He would most likely have to be more aggressive and more dominant. If you would like to see the quantitative research on the topic I have compiled over 150 years of studies from the most respected academic institutions for the book I was asked to write.

    Let’s ask a different question. What do you value more? Security and social status, or attraction and fulfillment. When you are honest with yourself security may be very important to you and that is fine.

    One thing I would ask myself is: “Is it fair to him to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t attracted to him.”