Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dear Danielle,

I just broke up with my fiancee two weeks ago and have already met a great girl that I am really attracted to. Is it too soon to ask her out?

"Moving On Too Soon?"

Dear "Moving On Too Soon?"

Yes. Way too soon. Just over two weeks ago you were still seriously considering marrying someone, so being attracted to a new woman so soon after is just a recipe for disaster. Being engaged is a real commitment, and although it does not carry legal weight, it is much more significant then just breaking up with a girlfriend. Instead of looking to date a new woman, I suggest you spend the next 8 weeks re-adjusting to the new single you. For whatever reason you got engaged to someone and it didn't lead to marriage. Ask yourself the following questions:

-What can I learn from how my relationship with my ex transpired?
-How has my notion of the kind of a woman I am looking for changed?
-Am I ready to be in a committed relationship again soon or am I looking to date casually?
-Am I prepared to "feel" what it is like to be single (no one to talk to before bed, no automatic dates on a Saturday night...) or am I immediately craving a partner again?

Take this opportunity to discover more about yourself and what you want out of life. Or else, you might end up in another wrong relationship before you know it.


  1. What about...when should you start dating after a death of a (young spouse)? both had second marriages..

  2. This is an excellent question and really depends on the individual. For instance, if the loss of a spouse was sudden, the trauma and shock involved could take a significant amount of time to overcome - making starting a new relationship difficult. However, if the loss was expected (which is very common with a more long term illness), the living spouse may be more ready to move on quicker as they had much more time to digest their new reality. Regardless, I definitely think within the first 6 months of the loss is too soon to start dating. At the end of the day though I think it really depends on if there are children involved. Introducing a new person into a family dynamic when there has been a recent loss can be a difficult and painful thing for children. Even if the spouse/parent is ready to move on they must think of the best interests of their child.

  3. Excellent advice. I look forward to reading more of your blog!