Monday, November 9, 2009

Dear Danielle,

My ex and I have been on and off for a long time. I finally broke it off with him, but i'm not ready to meet up with him face to face because we were together for six years. My dilemma is: I belong to this networking group Japanese American Professionals but I have skipped the last six events because he goes as well. He is really posessive and controlling and I am afraid he will make a scene if I am there at the same time as him. Should I keep ditching these events or am I a coward for not going?

"Avoiding My Ex"

Dear "Avoiding My Ex,"

You can't let him intimidate you, because if you keep on avoiding activities that you enjoy because he will be there, then he wins. He is trying to punish you by acting erratic and you cannot let him stop you from living your life. Go to the next event and bring a close girlfriend along with you if you need the support. If he tries to talk to you in any way that is not totally respectful and appropriate then simply say to him, "until you are ready to be mature and allow us both to move on with our lives, we cannot speak or have contact with each other," and walk away. Do not engage with him. Do not let him get to you. Be the bigger person, and have fun and enjoy the night.

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