Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When is it too much partying?

Dear Danielle,

I have an amazing boyfriend: he is kind, funny, smart, sexy and handsome, has a great job, comes from a great family. Everything about him is great, except he likes to party VERY hard. He constantly wants to go out on weekends and get really drunk, sometimes to the point of vomiting. We're in our late 20s now and starting to think about our future lives together. While I like to go out sometimes, I don't feel the need to party like I'm in college any more. When I express this to my boyfriend, he usually stays home with me, but I feel guilty and lame. How can we reconcile his desire to party with my wish for a more low-key social life?

"Am I a Party Pooper?"

Dear "Am I a Party Pooper?"

Don't feel guilty. Partying to the point of puking might be acceptable for a few years in college, or at one's bachelor party - but as a regular weekend occurrence it is not healthy. If you have any doubt regarding his possible dependency on alcohol, seek out a professional.

However, if your boyfriend's ways are less about alcoholism and more about trying to stay/feel young at heart, there are many simple ways to slowly alter your social life. First off, I have a hunch your boyfriend has a group of friends who enjoy the same type of intense drinking/clubbing that he does. Social groups really do influence a person's behavior. So if I were you I would initiate plans on weekends with some of your friends who enjoy a more mature notion of fun. Cutting back on his die-hard partying ways need not mean that you two stay home on a Saturday night. Here are a few of my suggestions of fun activities to do that are more "adult-like".

1. Go to a wine bar. They are open late, serve interesting wines and usually tapas...and even if one gets drunk, it is a more controlled, civilised manner.

2. Surprise your boyfriend with tickets to a concert.

3. Host a dinner party at your apartment - whether you cook or serve take out, it is personal and much more sophisticated then a college bar.

4. Do something cultural. Go see a film playing at an indie film festival, and many museums have late nights...

If you intiate some changes to your "nights out" I am sure he wont mind cutting back on his old ways. If he goes out once in awhile with his guy friends to party, don't let it get to you...but if he insists on making it a regular occurence I would wonder what is going on deeper.

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