Friday, August 14, 2009

Breasts As Band-Aids

Dear Danielle,

I have been married for almost 3 years and have been with my husband for 5. My husband works hard as an investment banker, and we don't have a lot of time for each other. Our sex life has become boring, and in order to spice things up my husband wants to buy me a boob job. I know I am a little flat but I am fairly happy with my body. I want to please my husband but am unsure about surgery. Do you think I should have my boobs done for him, or are there other ways in which I could spice up our marriage?

Yours truly,
"Confused and Spice-less"

Dear "Confused and Spice-less,"

You say that you are fairly happy with your body, and if it wasn't for your husband's pressures, you would not want breast implants. Undergoing plastic surgery falls into the same category as drinking, smoking, drugs and sex when it comes to peer pressure. Don't do it because someone (even your husband) tells you too. If this was something you have always wanted to do for yourself - I would be supportive. But surgery is not the band-aid to a bland sex life.

Tell your husband that you will consider plastic surgery, but that in the meantime you don't think you should wait to start improving your intimacy. Talk to each other about your sexual and romantic fantasies. Write the different ideas on small pieces of paper and put them in a jar. For instance, "sexy secretary role playing" could be a fantasy of his that he writes down and yours could be something like "massage with oils and candles." Obviously you can get as graphic as you want, but for the purposes of this blog it is not appropriate for me to elaborate. Each morning either you or your husband will pull one fantasy note from the jar. If you do it on Monday he will do it on Tuesday, etc, and keep this exercise going each day until all the notes are gone. Don't tell your spouse which note you picked. All day your spouse will be wondering and anticipating the surprises to come, while you will brainstorm during the day how to initiate the fantasy that evening. This will breed creativity, freshness and excitement in your sexual relationship. I bet, before long, your husband will be so enthralled by this "fantasy game" that he will forget about you getting a boob job...or at least he will realize there are many means to re-connecting with each other. Let me know how it goes!

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